the million dollar question .

i think i’ve been watching way too many american films that embody the american dream and the perfection of american families. in these stories the mommy and daddy are extremely in love, or at least were extremely in love, and so were their grandparents and probably also great grandparents. is this really true? if you know the answer, please tell me because i’d love to know.

the reason i ask this is that i see the people around me, and they’re not even close to being this way.

maybe it’s because we’re not american, and maybe it’s because love was never the issue for us, because i can safely say that ninety percent of the adults in my family didn’t marry for love.

i’d also bet a small amount of my assets on the fact that my generation is going to be one of the first generation of chinese people that have a chance of marrying for love, give or take the lucky ones that preceded us.

this comes from not only the evidence i’ve seen, but also from other things. chinese series, for one, where people are usually not able to date their “true love” (but do anyway because it’s all imaginary). there was also a conversation i had with my one and only first cousin in which she told me that in our parents time you didn’t meet many other men/women and date them and see what happened. you simply met someone that something could work out with, realised you’d have to marry them one day and dated them until it happened.

so what would happen once they were married?

my family in particular was glued together by obligation and me, apparently. my parents were not together because they were in love, rather that they had a child and felt responsible for it, and later on because they were old and didn’t have a chance with anyone else.

it makes me wonder though; if my parents had actually been in love, would they have more or less problems in their relationships? would they still argue about the things they argue about like the children and the money and the colour of the car? would they be more jealous of other men/women, or more secure?

and would i have turned out any differently?

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  1. no matter how you look at it
    love is family
    and family is love
    so even if the said couple weren’t in love
    maybe they had problems along the way
    maybe they only stayed together for the kids
    but the fact is that they’re still together

    even if they don’t truly love each other
    one will get jealous of the other if either of them has any other men/women
    because you grow to love them regardless
    everything you go through good and bad becomes an experience and a memory
    we adapt like that

  2. I see no real difference. The “American Dream” portrayed in films are an ideal but not really realistic. There may be a select few who obtain that, but it’s a rarity.

    • jwang
    • August 13th, 2009

    ooh nicely put garmon =]

  3. aw lizi look i found your blog through mike’s 🙂
    hehe.
    i agree with comment #1, maybe it’s the fact that society back then weren’t as open as it is now, but i’m sure that apart from family obligations, is it love that makes the parents stay together all this time.
    hehe ❤

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