flawed .

 soundtrack: tummy grumbling // thoughts: about me

i’ve realised a massive flaw in my mostly confident personality. i can’t look at people when i speak, or when they speak, for that matter. i always glance away, usually to the left, or down, unable to fix my eyes on them and unable to match their stare. staring competitions are fine, but talking is not. i wonder if i seem insincere?

i’ve always known that i shift my eyes a lot, but this became a problem today at my interview. i knew that i was looking away way too much, and i tried extremely hard to focus on the interviewer, but i just couldn’t. not that she was ugly or anything, actually she was rather attractive. she was always looking at me while i was speaking, and i couldn’t help but look away.

confidence level: minus a hundred. that is definitely not a good sign.

it doesn’t make any sense, though. i can look at people when i make speeches; i was never the type of person that had to focus on a point on the back wall. i did debating, as the third speaker, which meant that i had to write most of my speech while the others were speaking, and improvise a lot. not that i was really any good at it, but it’s the pracitse that counts. i’m perfectly able to express myself, and my slip ups usually only last for a few minutes. WHY can i not look at people when we’re talking one on one?

i feel so shifty. maybe that’s the problem; i am shifty. (this isn’t a confession, just a speculation). maybe i don’t have the honesty or sincerity to look someone in the eye and say something. maybe i don’t actually believe what i’m saying.

maybe i’m just so used to not looking at people, and avoiding their glances, that it has become a habit for me.

i need to fix this.

so, who wants to help me practice?

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    • TW
    • December 12th, 2008

    It’s always easier to address a group than a one-on-one conversation — it gets personal and you have to become more candid about yourself. I know how it is; I’m the same way sometimes.

    • Garmon
    • December 12th, 2008

    you were probably scared
    it’s normal anyway for you to look away during a conversation with someone
    it’s usually the listener who stares intently (unless you’re boring)

    the snow is a nice touch and somewhat cute and unpredictable

    and shit you really are a blogging everyday, and it’s not boring stuff either. grats and damn you.

    you misspelt ‘practice’

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