soundtrack: tummy grumbling // thoughts: about me
i’ve realised a massive flaw in my mostly confident personality. i can’t look at people when i speak, or when they speak, for that matter. i always glance away, usually to the left, or down, unable to fix my eyes on them and unable to match their stare. staring competitions are fine, but talking is not. i wonder if i seem insincere?
i’ve always known that i shift my eyes a lot, but this became a problem today at my interview. i knew that i was looking away way too much, and i tried extremely hard to focus on the interviewer, but i just couldn’t. not that she was ugly or anything, actually she was rather attractive. she was always looking at me while i was speaking, and i couldn’t help but look away.
confidence level: minus a hundred. that is definitely not a good sign.
it doesn’t make any sense, though. i can look at people when i make speeches; i was never the type of person that had to focus on a point on the back wall. i did debating, as the third speaker, which meant that i had to write most of my speech while the others were speaking, and improvise a lot. not that i was really any good at it, but it’s the pracitse that counts. i’m perfectly able to express myself, and my slip ups usually only last for a few minutes. WHY can i not look at people when we’re talking one on one?
i feel so shifty. maybe that’s the problem; i am shifty. (this isn’t a confession, just a speculation). maybe i don’t have the honesty or sincerity to look someone in the eye and say something. maybe i don’t actually believe what i’m saying.
maybe i’m just so used to not looking at people, and avoiding their glances, that it has become a habit for me.
i need to fix this.
so, who wants to help me practice?