soundtrack: 2 much; incomplete // thoughts: of being young again
today is one month until my birthday. my eighteenth birthday. where i will become old. i’m not ready to be eighteen. old people are, like, confident and stable and stuff. i know they always tell us that adults have their problems too, and they can be scared of things and have bad days, but i don’t believe it. they forge on, like the guy with the ball running across the football oval while everyone tackles him and headbutts him and tries to push him onto the ground. i’m not ready to be someone like that…
obviously, i don’t believe that it’s going to change overnight, or even over a month. i’m just saying that i can’t see how this gets anywhere. how does one go from being a lazy piece of shit who gets fed and clothed to someone independant? it’s neither as easy nor as hard as it sounds.
maybe when it happens, i won’t even realise until i’m there.
but right now it still seems so distant. and the fact that in a month i will be held responsible for all of my actions, all of my words, is kind of scary. how can they change that in a day? everyone knows that you don’t go from being an innocent child of 17 years and 364 days to a gambling, drinking adult that is able to walk into adult shops so quickly. so how can one day change so much? and why?
i remember believing that everything worked just because it was meant to. that you payed for electricity and water so it appeared. that you could just find a job and go there, do some stuff, and come home. that people would believe you, whatever you say.
i wish i was a child again. everything was so much more simple back then.
it’s true what they say; youth is wasted on the young.