It started raining the moment I turned into my street, almost as if the heavens were masking my arrival. Although I only had to walk 100 metres before I could hide under shelter, the raindrops were so large my thin white uniform became wet and see through. But I didn’t hurry my strides, only looked up determinedly like I had told myself I would do all the way home. The downpour made it hard for my eyes to stay off the ground, a feeling I had begun to get used to as I forced myself to look ahead during my walks. It had become increasingly obvious to me that whenever someone walked past me I failed to meet their eyes, and after one quick glace at their face and body I always hastily avert my eyes to the floor.I placed my hand on the cool metal of the doorknob as I fumbled for my keys, searching for an object which would permit my entrance to safety…
Yet this safety held consequences I hated, and I sometimes even thought of sacrificing a home to live without them. I stole a quick glance at the top half of my body as I crossed the tiles of the foyer, making sure I didn’t look too flushed or too pale just in case it caused suspicion before I launched myself up the stairs two at a time.
When I reached the top there was nothing there. The familiarity of a home had disappeared, and in its place there was nothing; nowhere. Nothing to hide in, nowhere to go. I look around bewildered, and my eyes land on a note.
“There’s nowhere in the world that’s reserved just for you. There’s no space in anyone’s heart that’s so filled up by you that no one can replace it. Remember that.”