for thoughts and other useless things
so i’ve degraded to a position i have never thought possible.
i am sitting in an internet cafe.
it’s a very long story about how i got there, but it’s mostly because i had to do an online quiz for uni, which was incredibly hard and rather terrible. this, along with the fact that i hate maths and don’t really like geeky sweaty men, makes my life rather unpleasant for the time being.
well, kind of anyway.
soundtrack: digestion of grain waves // thoughts: in historical context
i’ve been trying to study for modern, and i’ve realised something. the whole germany/nazi thing doesn’t mean anything to me anymore. while i’m reading the horrendous atrocities they committed, i don’t think “oh gosh, how terrible for the jewish people,” i think “man, gotta remember this.” it’s just a story to me. in fact, it’s probably just a story to everyone now. no one really gives it a second thought. i mean, it’s history. it’s shocking stuff, but it’s over.
it’s almost as if it’s just another english novel; you read it, you understand it, you write it down in your exam paper.
soundtrack: buzzing in my head // thoughts: sick sick sick
i am pretty damn sick. like more sick than usual. can’t walk more than a few steps without feeling dizzy. which is gay.
i wanted to do my uac preferences, except i think my computer has spyware so i don’t want to risk putting my credit card details. i’ve made my list though. i’m not even going to consider media and communications at usyd. 98.45 is an extremely distant and quite unreachable possibility. well, for those that are working for it i guess it won’t be that hard. for people like me that bludged until half yearlies, it could be a problem…
soundtrack: some random new music // thoughts: of intellectuals
found an interesting quote. huxley said it; “an intellectual is someone who has discovered something more interesting than sex.”
i guess the male population isn’t going to become very intellectual any time soon. jokes (not really).
been going to the library a fair bit lately, getting in touch with the nerdy side that everyone around me has already discovered.
i’m working harder than before, but that doesn’t really say anything. wrote some “good” crime fic, but it’s too long to share here. haven’t read a book in ages because i’ve been denying myself extra methods of procrastination, and i’m craving the thrill. not really, just missing it i guess. among other things.
soundtrack: repeat: Q; too late // thoughts: of what i can’t seem to hear
imagine waking up some day knowing you made a mistake… and there is nothing you can do, or nothing you can say
english assessment task tomorrow. can’t sleep. no V. recipe for disaster.
and everything you had before… you let it walk through the door… i can feel the rain falling down on me… since you left me i’ve had nothing but rainy days… i can feel the pain… and i know that it sounds silly…
soundtrack: some asian song // thoughts: are exahusted
developed a strange obsession with walking past very expensive shops (like tiffany) and considering spending half the contents of my bank account on something inside. then i slap myself (internally) and pull myself away.
falling over myself with all the work i have to do and realising that if i actually learned something at the beginning of the year it wouldn’t be so bad. but at least i’m trying.
should be so lucky to make it out of all this alive.
and can’t seem to stop thinking about… all the times you used to make me smile
soundtrack: paper ruffling and furious writing // thoughts: about food
i am at state, attempting to write the first draft of my major work. i am also extremely hungry, but i know if i leave to buy food i will never return. it’s amazing how well i know myself, really.
i feel good about sitting here though, even though i’m typing a blog on my laptop. i know i’ve made an effort. which is more than i can say for other people. actually, i lie. a few good days out of a million bad ones is worth it, is it not? it’s just a shame that i’m having a good day by myself with my only human contact being over msn. but hey, at least nothing shitty is happening…
