summer holiday .

i am pleasantly surprised (nor maybe not so much pleasantly as just surprised) that my wireless internet connection is much better here, on the gold coast, than at my home in sydney.

yes folks, you heard right. i am blogging from the gold coast with pristene internet connection. and right now i’m staring at a wine rack full of sealed mount franklin bottles; a scene which obviously belongs in someone’s garage.

i figured that it was about time i took myself on a holiday. although i miss my yearly trip to shanghai, (and all the shopping involved), it feels good to have tried something new. my asserted independence is strikingly bold, and this has been increasingly emphasised by my bus ride to the airport.

relinquished .

it is so very difficult to move when one has so many possessions. too many clothes, too many hair accessories, too much trash, not enough shoes. when they’re being packed into a box, piece by piece, awaiting the arrival into my next life, i must consider if i want to bring them at all.

consequently, i find myself leaving a lot behind, sometimes to others and sometimes to landfill. when i evacuated my parents’ residence, i gave up my collection of hats and a great number of soft toys. i also overlooked the importance of some of the items i gave up, such as my (very expensive) suitcase and my sleeping bag. but time, rather than need and want, i think, will heal these voids.

hole in the head .

these korean butter waffles are driving me insane. on impluse i bought a box on the way home, and i’ve been home for about 20 minutes devouring more than half the box.

the taste it leaves on my tongue just makes me want to keep eating it. it’s horrible.

i think arnotts or something should pay a couple of million dollars for the recepie and unleash it upon the western world, and then we’ll all be fatter than we were before.

i noticed recently that christmas, in fact, isn’t very far away. it is now the end of october. this year’s hsc will soon be done, uni exams will be finished and everybody’s life is just about to become one long holiday.

objects .

how do you know when something is worth keeping? when do you get to the point where you realise that it’s gone too far, you can’t handle it, and you’ve got to let it go?

i’m not just talking about people, friends or relationships. i’m talking about everything. possessions, ideals, memories, beliefs. life.

some things are easy to hold on to even when the world is against you. some things not so much.

i’ve held on to a lot over the years. i’m a massive hoarder, to be honest, and keep everything that i deem useful, could be useful, or slightly sentimental. when i moved i threw most of it away, but i’ve found that i brought quite a few useless bits of memorabilia into my new life.

secrets .

on the bus to uni today there was this guy sitting facing me. i usually look out the window, but once in a while it is unavoidable to look straight ahead, and hence at that guy. he wasn’t good looking or anything, so i wasn’t secretly checking him out or trying to initate eye sex. this guy kept smiling to himself due to whatever he was thinking about. i guess he was replaying some wonderful memory in his head or something, because he just wouldn’t stop smiling to himself. he wasn’t texting, watching anything, or listening to music. just smiling.

i do that a lot; randomly smile to myself in public because i thought of something funny, and then stop just in case someone saw me.

dusk .

when i was little (and by little i mean about two years of age) i was told that the sun was red. so in my drawings i’d always use the red crayon to depict my circular sun. this happened until i was five, after i moved to australia.

i don’t remember much about moving there at first, only the vivid images of my preschool and a grocery trolley; memories i can’t place on any significant moment.

when i was five i started kindergarden. some time during that year, i sat down and reached for the red crayon and drew my sun. another little girl asked me why i drew a red spot, and even though my english wasn’t very good, i was able to tell her that it was the sun. i mean, i had placed it high in the sky, how stupid could she be?

silhouettes .

soundtrack: j randall; don’t go // thoughts: of mysterious people

two random people asked me about my hsc today; the first was the lady at campsie charcoal chicken, and the second was a man sitting behind me on the bus. they both wished me good luck for the future as i got up to walk away, to eat my chicken and to get off the bus, respectively.

the man sitting behind me on the bus is (apparently) someone who has taken my morning bus for years. years as in, since i started taking the bus to school in year 7. basically he’s watched me grow up, which is kind of scary. i wonder how many other people there are in the world like that? i know for a fact that jeremy is one of them. shocking, isn’t it?

erased .

soundtrack: adren; gone with the wind // thoughts: are everywhere

found something pretty scary –> click. if you can’t be bothered to read the long article, basically it’s a report of how scientists have found a way to “selectively erase memories from mice.” so at the beginning it seems pretty wow; the advancement in technology, the ability to fuck around with the human mind. but when you think about it, just beyond the surface, it could fuck up in so many ways. yes, maybe we could cure “human memory afflictions like post-traumatic stress syndrome,” but this is real life, not a movie. and in real life, things are a lot more complicated.