heroin .

something i’ve always known about myself is that i like sad things. not in the way that i’m sadistic and enjoy inflicting pain upon others. rather in the way that i have a strange attraction towards novels, sad films, sad poetry and other sad immaterial things.

at many times of my life i have found myself reading a sad novel, crying my eyes out and then hugging it to sleep. devastated by its completion, i will then turn around and read it again, a million times over.

and i fall in love with its pain all over again. i fall in love with the characters as i live vicariously through them and hurt as they do, enjoying every moment. that is the kind of crazy person i am.

the chase .

i have come to realise that i have an alarming amount of disrespect for girls that chase after guys. it’s rather appauling; i’m practically borderline disgusted, and that really shouldn’t happen for anyone except for men who are already disgusting.

this realisation came to me as i was halfway through another taiwanese drama series in which the girl tries extremely hard to, and i quote/translate, “step into the guy’s heart.”

cue cringe from liz. sometimes i actually wince. maybe one day if it were bad enough i’d gag.

sole mates .

i’ve loved many different things throughout my life. there were always obsessions, things that i clung to and then got bored of; hello kitty, bucket hats, d.i.y. jewellery, various people. i always move on. there has only ever been one consistent love in my life.

shoes.

i’ve realised that it fits all the requirements. love is blind, relentless, sometimes painful and always passionate. very much like my pull towards shoes. i just can’t stop wanting them and can’t stop looking at them. it’s impossible to let them go.

the million dollar question .

i think i’ve been watching way too many american films that embody the american dream and the perfection of american families. in these stories the mommy and daddy are extremely in love, or at least were extremely in love, and so were their grandparents and probably also great grandparents. is this really true? if you know the answer, please tell me because i’d love to know.

the reason i ask this is that i see the people around me, and they’re not even close to being this way.

maybe it’s because we’re not american, and maybe it’s because love was never the issue for us, because i can safely say that ninety percent of the adults in my family didn’t marry for love.

once in a while …

…all you need is a good cry.

the “l” word .

if a child grows up amidst bitterness and hatred, are they able to love?

does human nature simply allow people to love, without knowing or experiencing what it is? or, like everything else that does not come naturally to us, is it monkey see, monkey do?

i know many of you will bid that it’s instinctive, like breathing or hunger or sexual attraction. or maybe like happiness and sadness; something you can feel with your heart. yet who governs what makes us happy or sad? why do some material things make us happy, and why do some people make us sad?

fortunately . unfortunately .

i don’t like those people that fall in “love” easily. they annoy me in the way a stupid child that refuses to eat but then complains that they’re hungry annoys me. fortunately for me, i don’t know many of these people. unfortunately, i do know a few.

i know that it’s best to keep my mouth shut when i’m talking to them about their latest infatuation. but i won’t. i will usually end up telling them that they’re dumb rather impolitely and tell them to move on. they do, of course, but at the time that i give them this advice they beg me to see that it is impossible. i just want to say “your face is impossible.”

spades and hearts .

throughout our lives, we humans have fought one true battle, one huge battle. the battle that has been written about more than any other battle in history. and no, it is not the war in iraq. it is the battle between the mind and the heart.

why do we all fight this battle? do our hearts really tell us things that the mind disagrees with? and why, then, must our wants from the mind and the heart be different, if we are the same person seeking the same ideals?

i confess that i will usually go with my mind, rather than my heart. i’m a thinker, and i think things through before i go through with them. but there are many people that ignore their mind, their consciousness and the ideals the world has created. they follow their hearts.