curtain close .

i don’t like the feeling when the lights go on after a movie and the credits roll. i don’t like it when the people in front of you start getting up and in the dim yellow light they look around at the mess they’ve made and guiltily leave it for someone else to clean. i don’t like it when you shuffle out of your row, trying to move past the people that are closer to the aisle. and i especially don’t like it when you are pulled out of someone else’s creation into the reality you must face by this sequence of events.

i think that this may be one of the reasons why i like films that make you think after the ending; as if you can dwell upon their ideas and ideals for a little longer. as if you can live in their dream and toy with their words in your head.

the million dollar question .

i think i’ve been watching way too many american films that embody the american dream and the perfection of american families. in these stories the mommy and daddy are extremely in love, or at least were extremely in love, and so were their grandparents and probably also great grandparents. is this really true? if you know the answer, please tell me because i’d love to know.

the reason i ask this is that i see the people around me, and they’re not even close to being this way.

maybe it’s because we’re not american, and maybe it’s because love was never the issue for us, because i can safely say that ninety percent of the adults in my family didn’t marry for love.

pawns .

as a form of procrastination, i was reading through some old documents that i had written during my youthful years. well, two and a half years ago.

i discovered that i once used quite a lot of profanity in my writing, more so than now, and also that my streams of consciousness led to many strange places. although i swear a lot less these days, pretty much nothing has changed.

at the moment i’m in the cycle of resolution making and breaking once again. the first resolution i’ve made is to purchase the sims 3 after my last exam tomorrow for a $99.95 that i really shouldn’t be spending. apparently i can get it for $19.95 if i trade in 2 ps3/xbox360/Wii games, which unfortunately i do not have.

the usuals .

a few days ago, in public and in broad daylight, i said (a little too loudly) that normal people don’t matter. i was about to retract my statement before i realised it was true.

all that bullshit they feed you about how “normal people can make a difference” and how “your vote counts” is crap. the people that make a difference are not “normal” because if they were they couldn’t make a difference. and for the sake of this arguement i must mention that the people that vote don’t make a difference either; the politicians do. and most of the time their policies are practically the same, give or take the ultra conservatism on the right wing.

trust .

i don’t believe in a lot of things. god, i guess, is the most obvious one. but there are also small things; hope, love, truth, magical refilling tim tam packets. all the things i wish was true, but can’t bring myself to put my faith in. i believe they exist, to an extent, but not to the point that they say; the point where they surpass everything and holding on makes things turn out happily ever after.

although magical refilling tim tams would be like, super awesome (since i just finished a whole packet), like hope, love and truth, it doesn’t really bring strength and life and joy. it would most likely bring about confusion; why are there still tim tams in this packet? where are they coming from? how many have i eaten? and how fat am i going to get?

irretrievable .

apart from the shopping and the great food, there are all these problems with china stuck in my mind. when the greatness wears off, the doubts are always left behind. it happens every time. luckily, i’m about to return home to sydney in a matter of days. even though i’ll miss the shopping and the inexpensive nature of this world, i can’t wait to go back.

i really can’t imagine what it’s like to raise children here. the way i see it, the kids here lead a horrendous life. they’re also horrendous creatures. they’re spoilt and ruthless and annoying because they’re taught that they’re special and above everyone else by their evil and twisted parents who would do anything to have their children on top. children here don’t have friends because their parents don’t allow it. only adults have friends. children have classmates. the difference is that you don’t compete with and belittle your friends, whereas you do whatever it takes to get ahead of your classmates.

utopia .

click here for photos of my dinner thing.

clean room. warm weather. early sunrise. late sunset.

ideal universe.

but it’s missing;

# a great deal of compassion

# sharing and caring

dreaming .

soundtrack: tynisha keli; shattered // thoughts: lame lame lame

many things constantly amaze me. first of all is the wittyness of some in my grade. second of all is the lameness of the rest. i just finished reading the yearbook, and since i haven’t written a bitch blog for a while, i think now is the time.

so first of all i have to comment on how many people mentioned their life dreams in this year 12 yearbook. in 10 years time they want to be settled, married, rich and be popping out babies (most, not all) and taking maternity leave. so realistically, maybe.