summer holiday .

i am pleasantly surprised (nor maybe not so much pleasantly as just surprised) that my wireless internet connection is much better here, on the gold coast, than at my home in sydney.

yes folks, you heard right. i am blogging from the gold coast with pristene internet connection. and right now i’m staring at a wine rack full of sealed mount franklin bottles; a scene which obviously belongs in someone’s garage.

i figured that it was about time i took myself on a holiday. although i miss my yearly trip to shanghai, (and all the shopping involved), it feels good to have tried something new. my asserted independence is strikingly bold, and this has been increasingly emphasised by my bus ride to the airport.

the million dollar question .

i think i’ve been watching way too many american films that embody the american dream and the perfection of american families. in these stories the mommy and daddy are extremely in love, or at least were extremely in love, and so were their grandparents and probably also great grandparents. is this really true? if you know the answer, please tell me because i’d love to know.

the reason i ask this is that i see the people around me, and they’re not even close to being this way.

maybe it’s because we’re not american, and maybe it’s because love was never the issue for us, because i can safely say that ninety percent of the adults in my family didn’t marry for love.

immigration .

you kids that still live with your parents take it shit foregranted.

i realised this today as i lay in my bed pondering all the material possessions i could afford. which is, actually, not very much.

i remember the days when i wanted a laptop and i could afford to buy a laptop. i wanted a new phone and i could afford to buy a new phone. i didn’t have to worry about whether buying something worth a couple of grand would kill the rest of my rent and food money for a couple of months.

i was pondering the purchase of a new laptop when the realisation that if i did, i would be all but bereft of… well, everything.

the “l” word .

if a child grows up amidst bitterness and hatred, are they able to love?

does human nature simply allow people to love, without knowing or experiencing what it is? or, like everything else that does not come naturally to us, is it monkey see, monkey do?

i know many of you will bid that it’s instinctive, like breathing or hunger or sexual attraction. or maybe like happiness and sadness; something you can feel with your heart. yet who governs what makes us happy or sad? why do some material things make us happy, and why do some people make us sad?

fortunately . unfortunately .

i don’t like those people that fall in “love” easily. they annoy me in the way a stupid child that refuses to eat but then complains that they’re hungry annoys me. fortunately for me, i don’t know many of these people. unfortunately, i do know a few.

i know that it’s best to keep my mouth shut when i’m talking to them about their latest infatuation. but i won’t. i will usually end up telling them that they’re dumb rather impolitely and tell them to move on. they do, of course, but at the time that i give them this advice they beg me to see that it is impossible. i just want to say “your face is impossible.”

black .

my aim in life is to be the first person to look good in a graduation gown.

no, not really. my aim is probably just to get into a graduation gown with authenticity, rather than stealing it, taking a photo and forging a graduation document.

but seriously, what’s with that long black thing with the funny heavy square hat and a bit of fractured string hanging off a corner? so majestic. for goodness sakes.

it just looks like a kid pretending they were an evil version of superman. woooosh.

liar, liar, pants on fire .

they lied to me. my whole life, they’ve lied to me. they told me it would be over. that after high school, the studying and the hardship would be over. it was all a lie.

i had seven hours of university today. i was bored out of my fucking mind, and i have a million pages to read. god these four years are going to be crazy. i always suspected that it would be worse than high school, and i never really believed my parents when they told me that all i had to do was work hard in high school and then it would be over, but the fact is that they still lied. and they continue to lie.

the bitches.

irretrievable .

apart from the shopping and the great food, there are all these problems with china stuck in my mind. when the greatness wears off, the doubts are always left behind. it happens every time. luckily, i’m about to return home to sydney in a matter of days. even though i’ll miss the shopping and the inexpensive nature of this world, i can’t wait to go back.

i really can’t imagine what it’s like to raise children here. the way i see it, the kids here lead a horrendous life. they’re also horrendous creatures. they’re spoilt and ruthless and annoying because they’re taught that they’re special and above everyone else by their evil and twisted parents who would do anything to have their children on top. children here don’t have friends because their parents don’t allow it. only adults have friends. children have classmates. the difference is that you don’t compete with and belittle your friends, whereas you do whatever it takes to get ahead of your classmates.