pawns .

as a form of procrastination, i was reading through some old documents that i had written during my youthful years. well, two and a half years ago.

i discovered that i once used quite a lot of profanity in my writing, more so than now, and also that my streams of consciousness led to many strange places. although i swear a lot less these days, pretty much nothing has changed.

at the moment i’m in the cycle of resolution making and breaking once again. the first resolution i’ve made is to purchase the sims 3 after my last exam tomorrow for a $99.95 that i really shouldn’t be spending. apparently i can get it for $19.95 if i trade in 2 ps3/xbox360/Wii games, which unfortunately i do not have.

when it`s all gone .

soundtrack: the crazy wind outside // thoughts: are appalling

i am appalled at the fact that my room isn’t any cleaner, even after disposing of notes for all my subjects except for extension history. actually, i’m even more appalled by how many pretty books i’ve used up for maths. i never realised i did so much maths. i don’t know how that happened.

tomorrow is my last exam. i’m already jumping for joy, and i know it’s premature, but i can’t help it. even though i should be studying for history extension (as i practically slept through all of the lessons, no joke), i’ve found myself sleeping about 16-18 hours yesterday and today. i’m just so tired, i just decide to go to sleep. i guess studying in bed doesn’t really help either.

so . . .

 soundtrack: sirens // thoughts: still calm

trials are gay. i have no motivation, i tell myself that i will work, but i end up sleeping instead. passion –> determination –> motivation –> perseverance –> practice –> success (apparently). faint desire doesn’t seem to lead to anything.

the problem is this: i know what i want and i know how to get it. i want communications and media studies at UTS for about 95.05 and i can get it if i start working my lazy arse off beginning now. but i’m not working. i’m not as stressed as anyone around me is, i’m still online even though the people from my school on msn has dropped by at least half, and i’m not studying. this is the only thing i can actually see myself doing for the rest of my life (apart from that trophy wife business) and i’m not even trying to get it!…

even though .

soundtrack: repeat: Q; too late // thoughts: of what i can’t seem to hear

imagine waking up some day knowing you made a mistake… and there is nothing you can do, or nothing you can say

english assessment task tomorrow. can’t sleep. no V. recipe for disaster.

and everything you had before… you let it walk through the door… i can feel the rain falling down on me… since you left me i’ve had nothing but rainy days… i can feel the pain… and i know that it sounds silly…

life . and other pointless things

soundtrack: the bucketing rain // thoughts: of an alternate reality 

after this wonderful break that some called exams, i find myself once again preparing for a 6:30AM start and hour long journey to school.

i feel like i have earned the right to do absolutely nothing for the rest of the term, if not the year, and i am completely discontented with the fact that i may have to do homework sometime in the near future. it’s not laziness, i assure you. it’s complacency. one hundred percent…

it`s all a question of . . .

soundtrack: jackie boyz; crash&burn // thoughts: `no answers to questions…`

well i’m done. with exams, that is. not life.

where did that sudden comment come from, you may ask? it’s just that i’ve realised that EVERYONE is so EMO.

have you noticed this?

is it cool to be emo? is it cool to hate life? is it cool to be bored of everything and tell everyone that life is a piece of shit?