the hospitable .

i don’t like hospitals. i remember having been a couple of times in my life, very briefly. apparently i was in there for months when i was about two, but that blissfully escapes me.

to be honest, i’ve never visited someone i really cared about. when i was seven, i went to visit my dying grandfather whom i had known as an abusive alcoholic for my entire life. even now i remember him, my only deceased grandparent, as a smelly drunk who gave me sultanas on his deathbed.

apart from that, i’ve visited a distant relative and a distant friend. i’ve rocked up with a fourty degree fever only to be told by a stupid nurse that i should take my clothes off because my body was at such a high temperature.

ponder .

something (and i forget what) has caused me to wonder whether we prolong our lifespans due to the fear of death rather than to keep living.

honestly speaking, i cannot see the benefits life offers someone when they are past  the age of 60. in fact, i cannot see the benefits life offers someone once they pass the age of 40. not enough to want to keep living, anyway. when you’re 40 you have responsibilities.

bills.

mortgages.

children.

quicksand .

i think explosm is down. either that or i can’t access it through my proxy server as well as the normal one. i’m devastated. i love explosm. i wish i had been given warning that it would happen. hold that thought though.

i’ve been watching a lot of one tree hill lately since i’ve been sick, and right now it’s all about people dying and moving on. they all want warning. in real life, we’d probably want warning too, if our loved ones were about to die. fair warning, that’s all.

i’m trying to think of all the things i’d do differently if i knew someone was going to die tomorrow. obviously it varies with who the person is, but there has to be something. because if you’d want to do it for the reason that they’re not going to be there anymore, it still means you want to do it, and there has to be a reason for that. i’m sure everyone has it.

what . the . fuck .

soundtrack: grand staff; only human // thoughts: ohhhhfuck.

if you don’t watch the news, CLICK HERE. yes, it does seem that i’ve been reading many news articles lately. that news article is written quite terribly, really, and it has fobby message excerpts from facebook: “kkk… my honey… luv u… kkk.” definitely newsworthy stuff. damn those fobs and the image they’ve created.

my dad was telling me about it on the way home from dinner, which was a little awkward with the naked and sex stuff, but still it was rather terrible. in fact, i live about a 4-5 minutes drive from this place, but even if i didn’t, i’d find it extremely frightening.

swerve .

 soundtrack: gary; 数到五答应我 // thoughts: of losing

spent a while with my dad in the car today because we were driving to city for dinner. talked about some news which eventually led to him telling me a story. my dad always tells me stories, sometimes they’re good, and sometimes they’re crap, but it’s interesting. this particular story was about these brothers, who were always very mischievous when they were little. as they grew older, the younger brother remained the same, but the eldest, upon returning from the army, had completely matured. the details of the story are unnecessary; the main point is that one day the younger brother was driving them both somewhere on his motorcycle. being the bad boy he was, he swerved to overtake a bus…

bucket list .

# go to another country apart from china

# be able to drive … properly

# go on a hot air balloon

# feel a sense of accomplishment

# write a novel