lizi –

soundtrack: benny & ray; everything // thoughts: CHINA PRIDE!!!!!!!!

kind of angry. at all the stupid people who don’t know what they’re fucking on about. okay i lied. i’m pretty angry, and my voice is practically hoarse from shouting. but it’s not what you think.

at school today the amnesty international group had some bullshit “great firewall of china” thing where people go and write their name on a postcard that says “YES I WANT TO END HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATIONS IN CHINA” and post it. that’s not the problem. the problem is that they’re hoping to break the censorship laws in china. i mean fucking hell. ITS A COMMUNIST GOVERNMENT! and what’s more, PEOPLE HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE COMMUNIST! ITS NOT FUCKING ILLEGAL OKAY! i hate it how the western people impose their western views on everyone because they think western views are the best way to go. history has taught me that eurocentricism is a piece of shit. think cold war.

the irony is that our school computers also have this censorship program. why aren’t we fighting for our own rights, in our wonderful democratic country? hypocritical, much?

that’s not what makes me extremely angry though. what pisses me off more is that people went to sign their names because they could get a FREE YELLOW BRICK. these people don’t even know what they’re joining; they’re only joining because they think it’s cool. like because its so trendy to speak up and have a voice when you don’t know what you’re fighting for. in addition, the people in my grade that were helping the distribution of that shit don’t even care. they just want to do it because IT LOOKS GOOD ON THEIR RESUME. they told me themselves. half of them were asian too. god.

jump on the bandwagon, guys. i hope it crashes.

soundtrack: some random new music // thoughts: of intellectuals

found an interesting quote. huxley said it; “an intellectual is someone who has discovered something more interesting than sex.”

i guess the male population isn’t going to become very intellectual any time soon. jokes (not really).

been going to the library a fair bit lately, getting in touch with the nerdy side that everyone around me has already discovered. i’m working harder than before, but that doesn’t really say anything. wrote some “good” crime fic, but it’s too long to share here. haven’t read a book in ages because i’ve been denying myself extra methods of procrastination, and i’m craving the thrill. not really, just missing it i guess. among other things.

i’ve never stressed so much in my life. i hope i don’t start growing wisdom teeth.

trial exam timetables are out. somehow ancient and 3u maths always end up on the same day. its a ploy to kill me, i swear. lots of controversy, controversy.

neglecting everything. doing nothing.

today, she put it on the table and it reminded me

of you and even though i was surrounded

by people i couldn’t think properly for a while because i was confused at why these thoughts pop up so easily. it

lingered, and i had to make myself think of something

else. and even though i want to say something it’s like there’s nothing to say. i’m not

ready to take that step because i can’t forget the pain, and it wasn’t

only you, i care too. but

not

enough to do anything right now. but this.

loving:

# glebe; markets, bookstores, atmosphere

# bookshelves; modern, twisted, wondrous

# reading newspapers over people’s shoulders on the bus

# cabbage and pork dumplings

# sleeping more than 5 hours a day

# enigmatic, old, bound books

# tim tams and junk food

# people that don’t care

 soundtrack: my chewing // thoughts: nothing and no one

i keep starting posts, but never finishing. but right now i’m procrastinating like fuck, so i might as well blog. i’m going to blog about my new view of life: there will always be something wrong.

even when something is going well, or many things are going well, there will be something that isn’t going well. it’s a balance, i guess, just in case your head gets too inflated or something. but nevertheless, it will always be there. the better it is that everything else in life seems to be, the worse that one small aspect of fucked-up-ness will be. it’s not murphy’s law, because there are still things that can go right. it’s just a law of life.

even though you see some people who seem to have everything going for them, you can count on the fact that there’s something wrong. it doesn’t matter if they’re rich, attractive, intelligent AND extremely social (four things which could not combine into one person unless they are seemingly perfect). there has bound to be something that isn’t going right.

so, even though something is practically disastrous in my life right now, everything else is okay. and after my little freak out sessions i’ll try to remember that. no one can have it all, no one can be perfect. and if you are perfect, then you’re no one.

for those of us that can’t keep up with exaggerated shows of intelligence, tom stoppard’s play the real inspector hound  may be confusing at first. the parody of a ’whodunit’ play opens with two men speaking of nothing in particular and an obviously distasteful production which is only elevated due to the attractive female leads. at this point i find myself studying the male characters and listening closely to their intelligent conversation in hope of understanding what they really mean. eventually the audience is at no loss to see where stoppard is getting at; he’s making fun of critics who use their work as a display of their own exhuberance, as well as the classical detective fiction with its plausible yet unrealistic twists and turns.

although watching an english extension play isn’t at the top of my priorities, stoppard provides an interest inescapable for those studying his text. how one man could write such a horrid play within a play and elaborate critical misgivings creating confusion among the audience and be praised as one of the greatest playwrights is beyond me. but then again, many things are. the one hour and fifteen minute play closed with a bang, leaving most people to wonder about it after their suspension of disbelief, and myself able to picture it yet still not understand it for all its glory.

when i first read the play i felt as if i was missing out on something the world knows, my membership in the extension 1 english club not good enough for me to be entitled to this information. the story line has since become more clear, but the deeply hidden meanings are still yet to surface. when i understand it i’ll tell you if it’s worthwhile watching or not. but even then, you probably will still consider it not.

soundtrack: ross copperman; all she wrote // thoughts: that girl’s just like me

sydney uni is pretty cool. lecturers are pretty funny. shoes are pretty awesome. sales are very awesome. life is not very awesome. extension history major work is not awesome. maths is not awesome but a little awesomer than major projects. maths homework is gay. stupid people are gay. people are stupid. i am stupid. i am tired. i am…

soundtrack: repeat: Q; too late // thoughts: of what i can’t seem to hear

imagine waking up some day knowing you made a mistake… and there is nothing you can do, or nothing you can say

english assessment task tomorrow. can’t sleep. no V. recipe for disaster.

and everything you had before… you let it walk through the door… i can feel the rain falling down on me… since you left me i’ve had nothing but rainy days 
i can feel the pain… and i know that it sounds silly

somehow, during the strange course of this year, i have become better at maths, and no longer whine about it as much. i sometimes find myself procrastinating homework for english / english extension through doing maths homework. it’s disgusting. what has this world come to.

all I can do is comtemplate, now I’m sitting here all alone… and I know you probably hate me right now, but tell me are you really happy? if you see me would you walk straight pass me, like we never met at all?

the much anticipated 3unit paper is coming back tomorrow too. it’s like a double whammy of shit that i can’t seem to get away from. i also have history extension until 5. triple whammy. fuck.

would you turn around, so I can see your smile? one last look at your face… would take me back to a place when it was just you & me…  and i know that it sounds silly, but i really…

there are two fish at the bottom of the wishing well. there’s a platform covered with five cent coins that people have thrown over their backs in a stupid human condition called hope.

the fish always play a game of dodge when they see the humans coming. they swim away from the coins to avoid getting hit while they chuckle at each other, attempting to guess what the humans are wishing for. they’ve established that most of them wish for the lotto but some wish to become better people. when they come in pairs they fight each other over the telling of their wishes. some of them believe that if they say it out loud it won’t come true. the fish giggle, because they know it won’t come true anyway.

this time, there’s a boy and a girl. they take their coins out and throw them into the well, laughing about the fish in the well. the fish laugh too, stupid humans.

they linger for a moment, deciding whether to tell the other person what they wished for. the fish strain to hear, moving closer.

‘he wants to be smarter and she wants to win the lotto,’ the first fish says.

‘i disagree. he wants a lot more than to be smart. and she wants a lot less than to have lots of money. they’re happy, look at the way they smile. nothing so simple could make them happier.’

the second fish is confused. he remains confused as the two happy people walk away. from each other.

soundtrack: some asian song // thoughts: are exauhsted

developed a strange obsession with walking past very expensive shops (like tiffany) and considering spending half the contents of my bank account on something inside. then i slap myself (internally) and pull myself away.

falling over myself with all the work i have to do and realising that if i actually learned something at the beginning of the year it wouldn’t be so bad. but at least i’m trying.

should be so lucky to make it out of all this alive.

and can’t seem to stop thinking about… all the times you used to make me smile