exasperation .

i am currently debating with myself about whether i should go thrifting. this idea has been greatly influenced by aforementioned lookbook, and also the fact that i am poor (truth) and need more clothes (speculative).

although i have attempted to enter charity stores in the past, i generally walk out within a few minutes. it’s probably all about the mindset, and i figured that if i could break free of the other typical ideals from my background, why can’t i let go of this one?

it all comes down to the power of the brain. or the lack of…

heroin .

something i’ve always known about myself is that i like sad things. not in the way that i’m sadistic and enjoy inflicting pain upon others. rather in the way that i have a strange attraction towards novels, sad films, sad poetry and other sad immaterial things.

at many times of my life i have found myself reading a sad novel, crying my eyes out and then hugging it to sleep. devastated by its completion, i will then turn around and read it again, a million times over.

and i fall in love with its pain all over again. i fall in love with the characters as i live vicariously through them and hurt as they do, enjoying every moment. that is the kind of crazy person i am.

paradise .

been spending my life rather recklessly over the past few days. due to this, i have no interesting or controversial thoughts of my own to share, so i’ll just tell you about some of the films i’ve seen recently.

the surrogates, with a hairy bruce willis polished an interesting idea within my mind. i wish, so much, that this film was released last year, because it would have been the perfect match to brave new world; failure would have been close to impossible.

although the idea of a safe life lived by a beautiful version of oneself is tempting, i never found myself going along with it, even for a second.

weeds .

everybody is growing up.

i never thought i’d come to a point in my life where everyone was so free. it’s so weird. i forget what it was like to not be allowed to do something. to not be allowed to stay out. to not be given extra money for lunch. but i always had plenty of money for lunch.

i don’t remember the feeling of anger and frustration directed towards my parents when they said no.

i can’t seem to relive those feelings and the thoughts that crossed my mind. those issues all seem so trivial now. does that even happen anymore?

armageddon .

in sydney today, between 4 and 5 am, the sky was red. not the soft, pale orangy-red of dawn, and not the crimson red of blood. just the kind of red that made the sky look like a five year old child had shaded it with coloured pencil.

as you can imagine, people freaked.

although the redness eventually faded to an ugly orangy-yellow as the sun rose, there were ongoing whispers about how the world was about to end. i imagine if we lived in a world without technology, the christians would have stood up on their soap boxes and told us it was our fault because we have sinned, and even jesus could’t help us now.

the chase .

i have come to realise that i have an alarming amount of disrespect for girls that chase after guys. it’s rather appauling; i’m practically borderline disgusted, and that really shouldn’t happen for anyone except for men who are already disgusting.

this realisation came to me as i was halfway through another taiwanese drama series in which the girl tries extremely hard to, and i quote/translate, “step into the guy’s heart.”

cue cringe from liz. sometimes i actually wince. maybe one day if it were bad enough i’d gag.

individual… really ?

if you put twenty people in the same room sat them in a circle, and then gave them all a pen, a piece of paper and an apple to describe, something miraculous will happen. these twenty people will all find their own separate ways, with completely different wording and phrases, to say things about the apple.

even if you gave them the same apple and rotated it so that they could see the dents on the other side, the sentences they construct would still be worded differently.

isn’t it amazing that every human brain is so unique? i mean, how many ways can you describe a fucking apple? if you asked me to re-word my answer twenty times i’d need to use the thesaurus.

the others .

would you cry if this person died? the person who’s name starts with…

A)yes. B)no. C)yes/yes/yes. D)no. E)no. F)no. G)yes. H)yes. I)no. J)yes/yes/yes. K)no. L)maybe/maybe. M)maybe. N)no. O)no. P)yes. Q)no. R)maybe. S)no. T)no. U)no. V)no. W)no. X)no. Y)yes. Z)yes.

would you lie to this person if you needed to? the person who’s name starts with…

A)yes. B)yes. C)yes. D)yes. E)yes. F)yes. G)yes. H)yes. I)yes. J)yes. K)yes. L)yes. M)yes. N)yes. O)yes. P)yes. Q)yes. R)yes. S)yes. T)yes. U)yes. V)yes. W)yes. X)yes. Y)yes. Z)yes.