wishing for

# some kind of hope

# some kind of light

# something that will make me feel alright

# someone with hope

# someone who’s bright

# someone who will make me smile. tonight.

# a shooting star that will light up my world

# and the happiness that could unfold

 soundtrack: stephen michael; tell me why // thoughts: are as follows

i am a communist. not to the point that i’d join a party or anything, because i’m also a realist and i know communism in action is bullshit. but in theory, i believe that if there weren’t any stupid eurocentric capitalist societies where the international companies control everything, the world would be a better place.

communism had a problem; the party became the elite. i envision a world where the elite is only a fraction of a living standard scale above the working class, because i know that human nature means people are going to want to be higher up eventually. but why does being better have to mean pulling others down? i know everything is relative and all but couldn’t everyone get better together? how can we call ourselves equals when the rich get richer and the poor get poorer?

i believe that people can pass up opportunities, but there are seriously people who don’t have any opportunities because of their environment and nurture. lack of education isn’t anyone’s fault when they don’t want it, but it’s someone’s fault if they can’t have it. i mean seriously, capitalists need to get a social conscience instead of another holiday house. if you pay me, i’ll give you mine. (joke. kinda)

i know the world is never going to be perfect, and all that shit, but i don’t think the multi billionaires realise just how much they could be doing. they could still be sitting in their penthouse with their shiny jaguar parked downstairs and help starving people. more starving people. but they don’t care, because they’ve worked hard to get there and now they want to live it all up. it’s just that they had the opportunity to work for it, while many others don’t. and even if they don’t want to give stuff away for free, they could provide that opportunity for others. not by writing a motivational book and not by giving a lecture on how to invest. by creating something worth more than that. they just have to get off their self centred arse and wonder what it’s like to not have their solid brick walled house with glass window panes and closable doors.

god, if i ever find that rich guy, i’m going to make him care. because you don’t deserve to have money if you’re just going to sit on your leather couch and watch it grow.

click! <— for photos of lucy’s party

have to upload them one by one here, so i decided i’d stick to my msn space

as usual, there are a tiny amount of me

actually lucy had some with parts of me… but since i was holding my camera there weren’t that many.

anyways, i’m going to run before i start bitching about pilgrims today

here’s an example

soundtrack: chewing // thoughts: slightly agro

i was just reading some comments about the pilgrims on a forum site i regularly lurk on, and to remain a lurker, i came here to vent my anger. i don’t mean to offend anyone, but FRIGGING HELL YOU WORLD YOUTH DAY PILGRIMS ARE SO FUCKING ANNOYING. if any of you are at a net cafe reading this right now, allow me to explain my frustration.

i know it’s a great event and all, but it just seems like they’re EVERYWHERE I GO. they take up so much space that people are telling me about missing buses and trains because of these unmovable catholic people that are clogging up the frigging city. i don’t care if they SING jesus songs or whatever. i don’t even care that they WEAR ORANGE AND YELLOW. i just care that it took me ONE WHOLE HOUR to get home from city, and that streets are blocked off so i can’t get anywhere. sure there are more buses and on time public transport. but they either have 10 people per bus (i saw this with my own eyes) or a whole carriage full of these pilgrims putting their luggage on the seats and not letting anyone pass.

yes, great unification of people. yes, fantastic spirits. but that’s only if you think like a catholic. do i need to remind you that the world is NOT all like you? if you were all as great, sympathetic, empathetic and loving as you’re supposed to be, then show some consideration. somebody even mentioned this event as a greater benefit for the country and community. I KNOW it’s a huge benefit to the christian community. but country?

it seems like sydney siders are just whining, but look at this realistically. there haven’t been as many people as were hoped which means it’s taking a lot more out of our economy than it’s putting in, and it’s a lot of inconvenience all for this little old guy that’s going to apologise to people about his henchmen playing with little boys. is that the big picture i’m supposed to support? is that the grand scheme of things that’s meant to make me sacrifice my selfishness?

and the EVANGELISTS. the one thing i hate more than the colour orange. FUCK OFF. if you want to believe in the big guy is up there making the weather nice for your little sleep over so be it. don’t tell me about it. because i don’t fucking care.

and one more thing. anti catholic tshirts are illegal now? what? just for this week?

how fast does ebay deliver?

the tree, tall and old, leans over her, puzzled. he’s been here for almost a century now, soaking up the sun and swaying against the wind. his leaves have grown so thick over time that he can shelter people from the rain, but why they would want to be sheltered he doesn’t understand. the rain is only beautiful and wondrous to him.

but it’s a sunny day today, and the girl sitting beneath him isn’t hiding from anything. he recognises her; she’s the girl that used to sit there, talking and laughing, never alone. but today she’s just thinking, silently stirring through the thoughts in her mind, with a slightly pained expression on her face. he realises that she’s remembering. he has seen it all before, thousands upon thousands have sat at his roots, unaware of his listening as they poured out the contents of their minds. he has learnt much from the humans that share their thoughts on the little bench beneath him, but he still fails to understand.

human nature, he thinks, is extremely puzzling. they all seem to understand so much, yet so little. he has watched countless people wait on that bench for a particular someone, knowing they won’t show up, but staying anyway. and when the truth they already know is vindicated, their crestfallen faces show no trace of victory, no sign of triumph. only sadness. no one understands sadness like a human being. anger and frustration and annoyance and pain, yes. but not their hopeful sadness.

she moves from her sitting position, and curls up on the bench, unable to forget. she’s not waiting for anyone, he realises. she’s just alone.

soundtrack: five for fighting; superman // thoughts: it’s not easy

boring but basically productive day. wrote a story. my dad just came in and thinks i’m studying very hard. what a joke.

here to bitch about hancock. man that movie was good. except for the ending. it left me totally unsatisfied and almost angry. actually i was pretty angry for a while. it was just one of those horrifically stupid endings that killed all profundity. like click, if you’ve seen it. it was sooooo sad when the guy was dying in the rain. if the movie had ended there, people would have walked away, shocked and appauled, but affected. but because adam sandler woke up and realised it was all a dream, the movie lost its affect, and i consequently no longer remember the name of his character.

for those of you who haven’t seen hancock, it’s about this superhero that drinks a lot and ends up causing mass destruction while saving lives. no one likes him because every time he does something good it costs millions of dollars, and in our capitalist world that’s a no-no. and then he saves this guy who’s a little gay and cares about everyone and everything, and he tries to imporve hancock’s image by making people miss him while he’s in prison. so after a few hiccups (like shoving a man’s head up another man’s arse) hancock eventually becomes a normal superhero. he thinks he’s the only one left, until he realises the guy’s WIFE is also uber super! biggest shock ever. and it gets better.

the story is that there used to be many superheroes, but they were built in pairs and when they were together and loved each other, they could become mortal, and so the rest of them died, leaving only two; hancock and the guy’s wife, called mary. they lived for thousands of years, fixing up the world and saving each other, but when they were together they always got hurt. so eighty years before now, hancock got bashed and when he woke up he didn’t remember mary, so she went away so they could both be immortal forever.

and then, as history usually repeats itself, they both get shot, and since they’re near each other they don’t start to heal. there is a horrific fight scene where mary dies (but not quite) and hancock uses the last of his strength to get as far away from her as possible so they both start to heal. at this point i’m crying. i think ohmygod. the pain, the heartache. AND THEN it flashes to a month later when he’s a superhero and she’s still with her husband. and i think WHAT THE FUCK. where’s the romance? WHY DON’T THEY DIE FOR LOVE LIKE THE OTHERS DO? since when, in hollywood, was love the redundant theme? i don’t understand.

/rant.

soundtrack: nothing distinct // thoughts: of wants and needs

i’m hiring a best friend. because i’ve realised that i haven’t had one for a while. like since year two when we went around saying “can i have a chip, i’ll be your best friend.”

so my requirements are as follows:

# interesting to talk to, never runs out of things to say, interested in profound discussion

# will talk to me until 7am because i need it

# will share chips with me (and anything else they have to share)

# enjoys my kind of music, or good music that i can learn to like (this cuts out trance lovers among other things)

# understands what i’m trying to say even when i have trouble saying it

# maths ability is a bonus

so if you have any or all of these qualities call me. wages are negotiable.

and don’t tell me you don’t exist. i know you do. just like the perfect guy. he’s somewhere… somewhere…

soundtrack: your music // thoughts: are unstoppable

looking through the mirror of my life, thinking of the time when things were right… is anybody there to hear my cry in lonely nights? need someone to make the darkness turn to light

just got home. meant to be doing du homework but i’m procrastinating. was out all day. i’m tired. i don’t think i’ll do any homework tonight.

seasons come and change, the memories remain… tell me why you left me stranded in the rain…

got driven home in mike’s shiny BMW (giggle). gives me some incentive to get my Ps. but not really. because i don’t have a shiny BMW to drive. damn.

and i know i’ll never see your face again, why did god take away a love and friend? i’m broken and flying without wings… damn i need you here now

big thanks to connie who fed us lots of food. and johnson who made a cake that was pretty awesome.

what i’d give to bring you back into my life, since youre gone i cant seem to make it right… i’m broken and flying without wings

holidays are going to be good, i think. i’m still going to go out, even though carl says i shouldn’t, because i can. i’ll study too. when it comes to it. not tomorrow. that’s for shopping.

soundtrack: my new rnb // thoughts: of a fantasy world

inspired was fucking awesome. apart from the obvious highlight of the night (shoutout to all my textiles buddies, you were all awesomely hot) the drama performances and dance were pretty awesome too! i’m so glad this was our last year. it was definitely a night to remember.

despite a few technological hiccups, which everyone quickly blamed the blackout for, the show eventually got running. we were all a little shocked at the winners of the challenge, but as it was before the major works, the anticipation overrode all feelings of dissatisfaction, and we all looked on with excitement. everyone was beautiful. so much so that people watching cried. we were all so proud to have a friend up there on stage, showcasing their awesome major work. i’m still euphoric, even in this aftermath.

even though i would have liked to continue textiles, i realise that it isn’t as easy as just making a dress/thing. after watching countless breakdowns and hearing people whine about it week after week, i realise the history extension major work i chose was probably more suited to my lethargic personality. even after all the stress and pain, i think everyone can say that overall it was worth it.

so tonight, i’ll end by saying something sentimental. i now fully believe that although this year will be stressful, troublesome, tiring and overall hectic, it will be our best. even though all of us look forward to uni, and all the freedom it brings, our last year in highschool will still be one of the most enjoyable, simply because the best moments far outweigh the worst. so cherish, guys. you can only have it for a moment.

i dream of running and falling. i dream of my heart beating so fast it feels like i should be running. like i should have fallen. like i’m somewhere i don’t want to be.

and when i wake up i remember them. i don’t need to drink the other half a glass of water; when my mind seeps back into consciousness all the dreams remain in my mind. all the images are floating around, but they no longer make any sense. how come they made so much sense when i was asleep?

they say dreams reflect what you think of during the day, and i guess it’s true. but the thoughts are played out into a drama series that’s incomprehensible in real life. they’re magnified, and they grow into unthought of possibilities. posibilities of you and me.

they’re not fantasies, these dreams. just an alternate, ungraspable reality.

and as always, i’m the one who falls.