click! <— for photos of lucy’s party
have to upload them one by one here, so i decided i’d stick to my msn space
as usual, there are a tiny amount of me
actually lucy had some with parts of me… but since i was holding my camera there weren’t that many.
anyways, i’m going to run before i start bitching about pilgrims today
here’s an example
soundtrack: nothing distinct // thoughts: of wants and needs
i’m hiring a best friend. because i’ve realised that i haven’t had one for a while. like since year two when we went around saying “can i have a chip, i’ll be your best friend.”
so my requirements are as follows:
# interesting to talk to, never runs out of things to say, interested in profound discussion
# will talk to me until 7am because i need it
# will share chips with me (and anything else they have to share)
# enjoys my kind of music, or good music that i can learn to like (this cuts out trance lovers among other things)
# understands what i’m trying to say even when i have trouble saying it
# maths ability is a bonus
so if you have any or all of these qualities call me. wages are negotiable.
and don’t tell me you don’t exist. i know you do. just like the perfect guy. he’s somewhere… somewhere…
soundtrack: your music // thoughts: are unstoppable
looking through the mirror of my life, thinking of the time when things were right… is anybody there to hear my cry in lonely nights? need someone to make the darkness turn to light
just got home. meant to be doing du homework but i’m procrastinating. was out all day. i’m tired. i don’t think i’ll do any homework tonight.
seasons come and change, the memories remain… tell me why you left me stranded in the rain…
got driven home in mike’s shiny BMW (giggle). gives me some incentive to get my Ps. but not really. because i don’t have a shiny BMW to drive. damn.
and i know i’ll never see your face again, why did god take away a love and friend? i’m broken and flying without wings… damn i need you here now
big thanks to connie who fed us lots of food. and johnson who made a cake that was pretty awesome.
what i’d give to bring you back into my life, since youre gone i cant seem to make it right… i’m broken and flying without wings
holidays are going to be good, i think. i’m still going to go out, even though carl says i shouldn’t, because i can. i’ll study too. when it comes to it. not tomorrow. that’s for shopping.
soundtrack: some random new music // thoughts: of intellectuals
found an interesting quote. huxley said it; “an intellectual is someone who has discovered something more interesting than sex.”
i guess the male population isn’t going to become very intellectual any time soon. jokes (not really).
been going to the library a fair bit lately, getting in touch with the nerdy side that everyone around me has already discovered. i’m working harder than before, but that doesn’t really say anything. wrote some “good” crime fic, but it’s too long to share here. haven’t read a book in ages because i’ve been denying myself extra methods of procrastination, and i’m craving the thrill. not really, just missing it i guess. among other things.
i’ve never stressed so much in my life. i hope i don’t start growing wisdom teeth.
trial exam timetables are out. somehow ancient and 3u maths always end up on the same day. its a ploy to kill me, i swear. lots of controversy, controversy.
neglecting everything. doing nothing.
loving:
# glebe; markets, bookstores, atmosphere
# bookshelves; modern, twisted, wondrous
# reading newspapers over people’s shoulders on the bus
# cabbage and pork dumplings
# sleeping more than 5 hours a day
# enigmatic, old, bound books
# tim tams and junk food
# people that don’t care
for those of us that can’t keep up with exaggerated shows of intelligence, tom stoppard’s play the real inspector hound may be confusing at first. the parody of a ’whodunit’ play opens with two men speaking of nothing in particular and an obviously distasteful production which is only elevated due to the attractive female leads. at this point i find myself studying the male characters and listening closely to their intelligent conversation in hope of understanding what they really mean. eventually the audience is at no loss to see where stoppard is getting at; he’s making fun of critics who use their work as a display of their own exhuberance, as well as the classical detective fiction with its plausible yet unrealistic twists and turns.
although watching an english extension play isn’t at the top of my priorities, stoppard provides an interest inescapable for those studying his text. how one man could write such a horrid play within a play and elaborate critical misgivings creating confusion among the audience and be praised as one of the greatest playwrights is beyond me. but then again, many things are. the one hour and fifteen minute play closed with a bang, leaving most people to wonder about it after their suspension of disbelief, and myself able to picture it yet still not understand it for all its glory.
when i first read the play i felt as if i was missing out on something the world knows, my membership in the extension 1 english club not good enough for me to be entitled to this information. the story line has since become more clear, but the deeply hidden meanings are still yet to surface. when i understand it i’ll tell you if it’s worthwhile watching or not. but even then, you probably will still consider it not.
soundtrack: some asian song // thoughts: are exauhsted
developed a strange obsession with walking past very expensive shops (like tiffany) and considering spending half the contents of my bank account on something inside. then i slap myself (internally) and pull myself away.
falling over myself with all the work i have to do and realising that if i actually learned something at the beginning of the year it wouldn’t be so bad. but at least i’m trying.
should be so lucky to make it out of all this alive.
and can’t seem to stop thinking about… all the times you used to make me smile
# go to another country apart from china
# be able to drive … properly
# go on a hot air balloon
# feel a sense of accomplishment
# write a novel
# write something other people want to read
# tell the people i bump into on the bus that it’s not my fault they’re too fat i can’t get past
# prove something to myself rather than to someone else
# live for a while in something close to a dream
# put my mother in her place
# stop listening to shitty emo music
# be remembered for all the right reasons
soundtrack: paper ruffling and furious writing // thoughts: about food
i am at state, attempting to write the first draft of my major work. i am also extremely hungry, but i know if i leave to buy food i will never return. it’s amazing how well i know myself, really.
i feel good about sitting here though, even though i’m typing a blog on my laptop. i know i’ve made an effort. which is more than i can say for other people. actually, i lie. a few good days out of a million bad ones is worth it, is it not? it’s just a shame that i’m having a good day by myself with my only human contact being over msn. but hey, at least nothing shitty is happening.
school starts in a few days, which marks the beginning of the second half of this year. there’s still so much i haven’t done, and even more that i can’t do. i seriously don’t believe any of my english/history teachers when they say that i will be able to write an 8 paged essay in 1 hour by hsc. it is improbable. it is more than improbable; impossible.
soundtrack: the beat of my heart // thoughts: of starting something new
to be different, i have decided to start a wordpress. it’s like livejournal and blogspot, but not.
blogging should take up much time of a thoughtless person such as myself, especially during periods such as exams. i have decided to navigate myself away from my msnspace as a way of starting a new direction in life. it’s all deep and profound, i know, but it’s also because i’ve realised i should write more than mindless complaints about daily life and horrid situations which i find myself in. msn is for those mindless complaints. the connotations of immaturity and wastefulness are plenty. for me, this is a new beginning.
i am motivated, in a manner of speaking. there shall be resolutions, achievements, and breaks in between, all of which are needed in order to feel successful and productive. people who already feel successful and productive need to pity those such as myself as we are seeking such feelings, such excitement. people who have not experienced the need to feel this should begin to wonder what they are doing with their life; such musings usually end up turning into something productive.
either that or a new blog.
but you misunderstand me; i don’t think you’re useless if you don’t have an aim in life: those are the thoughts of middle aged ethnic groups who believe their children are the only hope for the future. i think you’re useless if you have an aim, care about it, yet don’t care enough to achieve it. it exterminates any hope you have of a future. but don’t worry, it can share a void with my hopeless future too. humour me. i’m just cynical.
it’s almost an epiphany, really. i’ve realised now that epiphanies (sp?) are usually sandwiched somewhere between a vast amount of work that needs to be done and a lazy determination to achieve it. the lazy determination comes from within, while the other more difficult factors are uncontrollable variables. all we need is some more determination, less laziness, and comfort food just in case.
and sleep. but just for now.
