lizi –

soundtrack: chewing // thoughts: slightly agro

i was just reading some comments about the pilgrims on a forum site i regularly lurk on, and to remain a lurker, i came here to vent my anger. i don’t mean to offend anyone, but FRIGGING HELL YOU WORLD YOUTH DAY PILGRIMS ARE SO FUCKING ANNOYING. if any of you are at a net cafe reading this right now, allow me to explain my frustration.

i know it’s a great event and all, but it just seems like they’re EVERYWHERE I GO. they take up so much space that people are telling me about missing buses and trains because of these unmovable catholic people that are clogging up the frigging city. i don’t care if they SING jesus songs or whatever. i don’t even care that they WEAR ORANGE AND YELLOW. i just care that it took me ONE WHOLE HOUR to get home from city, and that streets are blocked off so i can’t get anywhere. sure there are more buses and on time public transport. but they either have 10 people per bus (i saw this with my own eyes) or a whole carriage full of these pilgrims putting their luggage on the seats and not letting anyone pass.

yes, great unification of people. yes, fantastic spirits. but that’s only if you think like a catholic. do i need to remind you that the world is NOT all like you? if you were all as great, sympathetic, empathetic and loving as you’re supposed to be, then show some consideration. somebody even mentioned this event as a greater benefit for the country and community. I KNOW it’s a huge benefit to the christian community. but country?

it seems like sydney siders are just whining, but look at this realistically. there haven’t been as many people as were hoped which means it’s taking a lot more out of our economy than it’s putting in, and it’s a lot of inconvenience all for this little old guy that’s going to apologise to people about his henchmen playing with little boys. is that the big picture i’m supposed to support? is that the grand scheme of things that’s meant to make me sacrifice my selfishness?

and the EVANGELISTS. the one thing i hate more than the colour orange. FUCK OFF. if you want to believe in the big guy is up there making the weather nice for your little sleep over so be it. don’t tell me about it. because i don’t fucking care.

and one more thing. anti catholic tshirts are illegal now? what? just for this week?

how fast does ebay deliver?

soundtrack: five for fighting; superman // thoughts: it’s not easy

boring but basically productive day. wrote a story. my dad just came in and thinks i’m studying very hard. what a joke.

here to bitch about hancock. man that movie was good. except for the ending. it left me totally unsatisfied and almost angry. actually i was pretty angry for a while. it was just one of those horrifically stupid endings that killed all profundity. like click, if you’ve seen it. it was sooooo sad when the guy was dying in the rain. if the movie had ended there, people would have walked away, shocked and appauled, but affected. but because adam sandler woke up and realised it was all a dream, the movie lost its affect, and i consequently no longer remember the name of his character.

for those of you who haven’t seen hancock, it’s about this superhero that drinks a lot and ends up causing mass destruction while saving lives. no one likes him because every time he does something good it costs millions of dollars, and in our capitalist world that’s a no-no. and then he saves this guy who’s a little gay and cares about everyone and everything, and he tries to imporve hancock’s image by making people miss him while he’s in prison. so after a few hiccups (like shoving a man’s head up another man’s arse) hancock eventually becomes a normal superhero. he thinks he’s the only one left, until he realises the guy’s WIFE is also uber super! biggest shock ever. and it gets better.

the story is that there used to be many superheroes, but they were built in pairs and when they were together and loved each other, they could become mortal, and so the rest of them died, leaving only two; hancock and the guy’s wife, called mary. they lived for thousands of years, fixing up the world and saving each other, but when they were together they always got hurt. so eighty years before now, hancock got bashed and when he woke up he didn’t remember mary, so she went away so they could both be immortal forever.

and then, as history usually repeats itself, they both get shot, and since they’re near each other they don’t start to heal. there is a horrific fight scene where mary dies (but not quite) and hancock uses the last of his strength to get as far away from her as possible so they both start to heal. at this point i’m crying. i think ohmygod. the pain, the heartache. AND THEN it flashes to a month later when he’s a superhero and she’s still with her husband. and i think WHAT THE FUCK. where’s the romance? WHY DON’T THEY DIE FOR LOVE LIKE THE OTHERS DO? since when, in hollywood, was love the redundant theme? i don’t understand.

/rant.

soundtrack: benny & ray; everything // thoughts: CHINA PRIDE!!!!!!!!

kind of angry. at all the stupid people who don’t know what they’re fucking on about. okay i lied. i’m pretty angry, and my voice is practically hoarse from shouting. but it’s not what you think.

at school today the amnesty international group had some bullshit “great firewall of china” thing where people go and write their name on a postcard that says “YES I WANT TO END HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATIONS IN CHINA” and post it. that’s not the problem. the problem is that they’re hoping to break the censorship laws in china. i mean fucking hell. ITS A COMMUNIST GOVERNMENT! and what’s more, PEOPLE HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE COMMUNIST! ITS NOT FUCKING ILLEGAL OKAY! i hate it how the western people impose their western views on everyone because they think western views are the best way to go. history has taught me that eurocentricism is a piece of shit. think cold war.

the irony is that our school computers also have this censorship program. why aren’t we fighting for our own rights, in our wonderful democratic country? hypocritical, much?

that’s not what makes me extremely angry though. what pisses me off more is that people went to sign their names because they could get a FREE YELLOW BRICK. these people don’t even know what they’re joining; they’re only joining because they think it’s cool. like because its so trendy to speak up and have a voice when you don’t know what you’re fighting for. in addition, the people in my grade that were helping the distribution of that shit don’t even care. they just want to do it because IT LOOKS GOOD ON THEIR RESUME. they told me themselves. half of them were asian too. god.

jump on the bandwagon, guys. i hope it crashes.

 soundtrack: my chewing // thoughts: nothing and no one

i keep starting posts, but never finishing. but right now i’m procrastinating like fuck, so i might as well blog. i’m going to blog about my new view of life: there will always be something wrong.

even when something is going well, or many things are going well, there will be something that isn’t going well. it’s a balance, i guess, just in case your head gets too inflated or something. but nevertheless, it will always be there. the better it is that everything else in life seems to be, the worse that one small aspect of fucked-up-ness will be. it’s not murphy’s law, because there are still things that can go right. it’s just a law of life.

even though you see some people who seem to have everything going for them, you can count on the fact that there’s something wrong. it doesn’t matter if they’re rich, attractive, intelligent AND extremely social (four things which could not combine into one person unless they are seemingly perfect). there has bound to be something that isn’t going right.

so, even though something is practically disastrous in my life right now, everything else is okay. and after my little freak out sessions i’ll try to remember that. no one can have it all, no one can be perfect. and if you are perfect, then you’re no one.

soundtrack: repeat: Q; too late // thoughts: of what i can’t seem to hear

imagine waking up some day knowing you made a mistake… and there is nothing you can do, or nothing you can say

english assessment task tomorrow. can’t sleep. no V. recipe for disaster.

and everything you had before… you let it walk through the door… i can feel the rain falling down on me… since you left me i’ve had nothing but rainy days 
i can feel the pain… and i know that it sounds silly

somehow, during the strange course of this year, i have become better at maths, and no longer whine about it as much. i sometimes find myself procrastinating homework for english / english extension through doing maths homework. it’s disgusting. what has this world come to.

all I can do is comtemplate, now I’m sitting here all alone… and I know you probably hate me right now, but tell me are you really happy? if you see me would you walk straight pass me, like we never met at all?

the much anticipated 3unit paper is coming back tomorrow too. it’s like a double whammy of shit that i can’t seem to get away from. i also have history extension until 5. triple whammy. fuck.

would you turn around, so I can see your smile? one last look at your face… would take me back to a place when it was just you & me…  and i know that it sounds silly, but i really…

soundtrack: the trucks on the highway // thoughts: groggy and annoyed

it’s been a while since i’ve been online at 5am. i still remember the last time clearly, but i can’t remember when. once again i belong to the group of sad people who are either gaming or have nothing better to do at this time of the day. i’ve discovered that i like sleeping better. but now i’m awake.

its quiet, but i don’t think i know the meaning of quiet because even when there’s nothing around i can still hear the cars. i can still hear my typing and i can still hear the buzzing of my laptop. it’s like how we don’t know the meaning of dark, because of all the artificial lighting we’ve installed everywhere. just once, i’d like to know what it’s like to have one of your senses irreparable; the flick of a light switch defeats that struggle, but i’m sure the world would feel different.

everything is different because of all our developments, well obviously, because they’re all here to help us, but there are probably feelings we’ll never have anymore. not that i repent the loss of uncooked meat and smallpox; i’ll readily admit we’ve come a long way. but when you think back to it all, what was the point? a brief moment of glory for the inventor and then an eternity of people taking it foregranted. it’s like forward march, but every step gets easier, and the steps we’ve taken have been forgotten by the masses. only a select few remember. others begin mutating to suit the new things we’ve created, adjusting their lifestyle to include a motor vehicle and widening their efforts of consumption.

and the weirdest thing is this; i don’t really care. i’ve just adapted to everyone else caring.

but my fingers are freezing off and it has taken me longer to type this than i anticipated. i think i need breakfast.

 soundtrack: easier said than done; danny fernandez // thoughts: like an obsession

i think if the environment we live in is meant to symbolise our life, mine would be down in the dumps somewhere. seriously, my room is a freaking mess. you can’t walk from one side to the other without stepping on something apart from the floor, and there is no space to sit or work on (even though i have a chair, a couch and two tables). there are plastic water bottles everywhere because i aimed to recycle them but never took them out, and on top of all that are all the bundles of paper and work that i’m supposed to do.

i blame it on the maths textbooks; they’re taking up all the space.

but hey, at least i have tim tams.

i’ve mastered the idea of an ironic afterthought, don’t you think?

anyways, my problem is, evidently, that i don’t have enough space. and it’s not even singular.

apart from the problems duly exhibited in bladerunner (yes i’m still thinking about that movie), i’ve come across many other important issues. for example, hitler’s reason for invading countries was that he believed the germans were uber and should have more living space than anyone else. solution; kill the other people and take over their space, of course. it’s the biggest issue because we can’t expand it, even with our highly sophisticated technology; only move higher and higher away from the nature in an attempt to accommodate our needs.

yet i don’t think i’d care about nature if i had a highrise for all my stuff and a nice robot to keep it all in place.

soundtrack: nothing matters // thoughts: money, please

i have been shocked by the amount of compassion the asian community has shown for those involved in the earthquake. not that i believe they don’t deserve it, just that i’ve never realised asians had so much compassion to spare. industrialisation and everything, you know? it dehumanises us.

this thought occurred to me when my sweet and loving mother said she felt sorry for these people and ran upstairs to borrow money from me so she could donate to such a worthy cause. now don’t get me wrong; i’m all for charity (i always buy the soft toy when they’re selling merchandise, consequently ending up with 2 bees, 3 daffodil bears and 3 red nose bears pearched up on my bookcase) but since when did chinese people donate to anything?! and… how will it get to the earthquake victims?

so i have no faith in asian people, sue me. it’s just that out of the two i’ve lived with my whole life, one has never cared about others outside their own little circle and has a very narrow minded way of thinking, and the other cannot express their care. in addition, my extended family is more self centred than my immediate family, and the ideas i have of the general asian population isn’t different to the earth population in bladerunner. god that text is getting to my head.

soundtrack: why not me; varsity // thoughts: in quite a daze

should i stay, should i go; should’ve asked, don’t wanna know … who are you thinkin` about; shouldn’t kiss, shouldn’t tell; shoulodn’t leave without farewell … what were you thinkin` about?

a tim tam packet has nine tim tams, not ten. i know this because all nine are sitting in my stomach now, waiting to be digested. along with another half packet of chicken crimpy shapes i ate. i also ate lunch and dinner, so the next time you see me don’t be surprised if i’m a million times fatter.

because you’re stuck in my head like my favourite song, you put the scene on pause, it still plays on … it’s chapter three, it’s hard to breathe; the words are slowly fading … without you here, i get nowhere

my mind is quite numb at the moment because i watched this movie called wristcutters; a love story. i think the movie is trying to tell people not to kill themselves, but after watching it i think i’ve leaned that way a little bit more. it’s one of those movies that make you think, i think. i hated the ending though, because the main character who once believed he had nothing to live for gets lucky. love saves the day, and everyone gets a second chance. hate it, hate it, hate it.

could’ve been, could’ve had; how could you do that and not look back … you couldn’t wait, you couldn’t breathe; you couldn’t be sharing the same dreams with me

how come emo-ness is always associated with love now? why can’t someone be unhappy with their life because of something else? and why do those who are lucky enough to experience love make it all one big emo story?

what is it that keeps me hanging on to every word you say; what is it that keeps me holding on to you?

but hey, who am i to talk?

soundtrack: life; loyd // thoughts: a myriad of complications

many strange ideas occurred to me today. we’re probably very familiar with the idea of truth, justice, law and stuff due to overexposure through the media, but because we’re in year 12 everyone is starting to ask us to reconsider. add all the controversy that’s been happening and you have yourself a brainful of stuff to contemplate.

first things first. today i learnt that when the british convicts got to australia the men came off the boats and built stuff while the women stayed on, even after months of confined sea travel. you might think i’m going to start talking about womens liberation and rights, but that’s not it. what was amazing is that when the women came off the boats there was lots of rape and a massive orgy. how come i wasn’t taught that until now? and how many people knew that?

secondly, just as the idea of truth becomes even more hazy to me i remember courtcases where there are two versions of the truth and a jury gathered admist all sorts of selectiveness. apparently if you look like a gangster you’re not fit to judge whether someone is guilty of a crime, but if you’re middle-aged and wear a tie, consider yourself a part of the privileged elite. in addition to this awful prejudice there is the fact that a lawyer is hired to portray your ‘truth’ at the angle he/she thinks best suits your case, or rather will get you off easier. i used to want to be a lawyer, you know, but if i wanted to feed people shit i’d rather go into advertising.

last, and definitely least, is the fact that everyone has started talking about our formal. my friends in particular have already decided to get something called a hummer limo (sp?) in which they will roll on the fur carpet, drink champagne and arrive fashionably late to what they deem as the most important event of their lives apart from their wedding. needless to say, i looked on with much despair at their exitement. it’s april, or to be fair it’s may  tomorrow. the formal is in november. do you know what happens between now and november? i also heard that a girl who remains unnamed in our school has asked a boy to the formal which is happening in november. the very thought makes me shudder. what if you don’t like him in six months time?  what if you find out that he’s actually a dickhead? but hey, at least she won’t be alone for the rest of her life.

/end rant